Previously I described the first two weeks of my helicopter FI course, which I undertook more years ago thank I care to work out. As I explained last month, I found those two weeks really tough. The third week was similar and on top of that I was ill. Here are some extracts from the diary I kept at the time…
Wednesday 12 Feb
Crap visibility and low cloud, so no flying. Maybe just as well, as I have a bad cold and a pounding headache that painkillers won’t seem to shift. I carry on anyway; at least we’re on the ground.
Thursday 13 Feb
No better. We get given precision transitions and quickstops in the air. I’m looking forward to it – but it’s a disaster. I can’t seem to concentrate – Mike says something and I’ve forgotten it a few seconds later – and my co-ordination seems to have gone completely. By the end of the session I’ve reached my lowest point ever. Mike leaves me to shut down, and I decide I’m packing it all in. However, by the time I’ve finished shutting down, I realise that if I do that, I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering if maybe I could have managed it. OK, I think, it’s only a few weeks out of my life.
Friday 14 Feb
I’m still feeling ill, which maybe is affecting how I feel and how I fly. I wake up feeling terrified that we’re going to be given advanced autos, and convinced I’ll never cope. But I make what feels like a superhuman effort, and it doesn’t go too badly. However, as we turn to hover taxi back, I just can’t do it! It’s as though my brain disconnects from my hands and feet and I feel completely disorientated. I tell Mike, and he calmly takes control and brings us back.
I go in and rest, wondering what on earth is wrong with me. In the afternoon we get given the limited power exercise. I usually find this easy, but I seem to have ground to a halt. I finally tell Mike that I’ve had this bad cold all week, and I think that’s what accounts for my lack of coordination and complete inability to fly. We try for a bit longer; then he finally says gently that I’m obviously not with it, and to go home and rest.
I still struggle with every exercise and finally I realise that I have to know if I’m actually good enough to be an instructor…I still struggle with every exercise and finally I realise that I have to know if I’m actually good enough to be an instructor…After a weekend at home, I head back to Thruxton feeling slightly better. According to all my informants, things ought to start improving a little this fourth week. However, they don’t. I still struggle with every exercise and finally I realise that I have to know if I’m actually good enough to be an instructor…
Thursday 20 Feb
I’ve made a decision. I need to talk properly to Mike. I can’t just go blundering on, hoping it’ll all work out OK when it so obviously isn’t. Mark is now quite happy and things are coming together for him, but they’re not with me. So, I go in and ask to have a word with Mike. And to my surprise, it goes really well. To cut a long story short, we end up agreeing that the problem was probably caused by my early flying training. Since I know my PPL training left a lot to be desired and I’ve been trying for years to tell anyone who’d listen, this is no surprise. But what can we do about it, I ask? Well, he says, the only problem might be the expense; it’ll take a few extra hours.
Is that all? Suddenly I feel as though I’ve dropped a great weight. I’m not a hopeless pilot who’ll never ever reach the required standard. I’ll just need a few extra hours, that’s all. What on earth have I been getting so upset about? I feel six inches taller.
That conversation clears the air for me and gives me back some much-needed confidence. And then things do begin to go better. Here is an example from the following week, the last week before the final exams. My whole attitude had become much more positive.
Monday 24 Feb
Fog, so no flying; we have a mammoth briefing session instead. I do Exercise 5, Mark does 6, I do 7, he does 10. We both agree that
we’re getting much better at this and so does Mike. Incredibly, I rather enjoy it. It takes us to mid-afternoon and the weather has improved by then. However, we still don’t get to fly; we go over bits of Met and emergency procedures and so on. I remember a lot more than I did earlier in the course. Maybe, just maybe, things are starting to come together.
Tuesday 25 Feb
Mike is busy, so we give back parts of Ex 27 – instrument flying – with another instructor. I’m surprised at how difficult this is. You have to
talk, scan the instruments and work out from what’s happening to the instruments just what the student is doing wrong. It makes instrument
flying by itself seem like low workload. Later we go out with Mike and give back Ex 15 and 19 -Vortex Ring and Steep Turns; relatively easy stuff.
We’ve now covered almost the whole course. And I’m now realising that I’m not that bad, that it is all coming together. Mike’s talking of us
finishing by the end of this week! I am now cautiously confident – but that confidence is dented somewhat when Mark only achieves a partial pass from the new examiner, who already has a reputation for being tough. I am now cautiously confident – but that confidence is dented
somewhat when Mark only achieves a partial pass from the new examiner,
who already has a reputation for being tough. We did indeed finish the course at the end of that fifth week. I spent a huge amount of time revising over the weekend – well, as much time as you can manage between two five-hour drives anyway! Anyway, we have a couple of days of revision and some final flying the following Monday; the test is on the Tuesday. I am now cautiously confident – but that confidence is dented somewhat when Mark only achieves a partial pass from the new examiner, who already has a reputation for being tough. Then it’s my turn. I wrote about it the following day…
Wednesday 05 March
I really don’t want to write about this, but I will for the sake of completeness. I go in and check the weather. Because it’s not good, but looks as though it may improve later, we decide to do the briefing, then the theory, then the flying. The briefing – on Sloping Ground – is fine. Then the examiner starts asking me questions on anything and everything in the PPL syllabus.
It isn’t all bad, but I don’t know everything, get rattled by the exam situation, miss out a few things, make a few mistakes. After tying myself in knots with Met – in the CPL ground exams my best subject – I ask semi-jokingly if I should go home now. He tells me there are too many gaps in my knowledge and that I’ve failed that section!
He adds that it’s up to me if I want to carry on with the rest. I say I’m there, so I will. But I just can’t! My brain is grinding to a halt. I even get confused on Nav – definitely my best subject – which I hadn’t even felt the need to revise very much.
I get a break after about two hours, and force down a sandwich and go for a walk to try to calm down. It usually works for me – but this time it doesn’t. I’m getting more and more upset. I ask for a longer break, but it doesn’t help. I phone a very experienced fixed-wing instructor friend for advice. She says I shouldn’t fly in that state and to talk to the examiner. I do, telling him I feel like the long-term stress, illness and exhaustion of the past five weeks has just suddenly got me to a point where I’m not sure I can cope any more.
He says it’s up to me, gives me all my options and suggests I talk to Mike. I do, and Mike suggests Ipack it in for now, have a rest, and take the test again in a few weeks when I’ve rested. The absolute relief I feel at not having to fly convinces me this is right. The examiner then tells me he thinks I’ve made the right decision; that if I fly in that state I won’t do myself justice and will probably destroy my confidence. So, we have a debrief and apart from feeling that I hadn’t been that bad really, all I can think is that I don’t care and I want to go home!
Was that the end of the story and my dreams of becoming a helicopter instructor? Of course not, as you all know. I did indeed rest, then I
revised the theory and did some more flying and the next time I took the exam I passed. And, with hindsight, I learned a lot from failing that exam first time around – about never giving up, about determination to succeed, and about life in general. These are all things that helped me
become an effective instructor. But I’ll finish off the story and talk about all that next month.
